BBQ madness
We decided to cook out yesterday.
We put weiners and burgers on the grill, I made mac salad. We got beers for the adults and pop and juices for the kids.
We had my brother in laws come over and one of Keith's childhood friends. His uncles came over later on and the people upstairs hung out with their kids and us.
I fed the kids, and let them play until 9 p.m. outside. I fed Ryan and by his normal bedtime of 7 p.m. he was grunting to go "night night". As I had him in the stroller, already in his jammies, I decided as the other two ate their burgers and weiners, that Ryan and I would escape for a nice night night time walk.
I took him down some really nice shaded streets. Every time the sidewalk would end, and the little "bum bump" sound of the next sidewalk crease would go against his stroller wheels, I would hear him giggle. He thought it was so funny. He giggled until he went sleepy. I watched his big eyes get sleepier and sleepier as he looked at the orange and pink sky. Soon he was snoring.
As I put him back into the house and set the baby monitor. I got the older two ready for bed. I got them to bed and was going to sit down and watch Cops.
Cops. When there was beer and fun outside.
I went outside.
My sister in law came over and I kept downing beers. Soon it was so chilly outside I could see my breath from time to time. So I kept drinking beers. I lost count.
My brother in law was giving out shots of Jack Daniels. I had one. Nice and warm. Ahh. Nice buzz.
At one point my sister in law and my husband were chasing a cat around the field, screaming "DAISY! DAISY NO!" All I saw was the neon pink of the blanket wrapped around my sister in law's shoulders and I started screaming with laughter. She looked like a vampire and my husband looked like he was running from her. Drunken madness in my brain. I couldn't breathe from laughing.
It wasn't even my cat. It was a stray. They realized this after someone yelled "DUDE! It has STRIPES! Chill out!" Daisy is all black. "oh." said Keith.
Then the lady upstairs (formerly known as ABW= Alchoholic Bitch Whore) came out again after her and husband Potty McPothead, were arguing. She made me a White Russian. I drank it like a mad woman. "MAKE ME ANOTHER!" I said as she giggled and I started dancing to something of the likes of Tupac and Eminem. I don't even know wtf was on the radio. Someone would change the station every song. There was country, then rock, then rap, then blues.
When I went with her to her house upstairs her husband was pissed off because she wasn't upstairs with him and she was sitting with me. I felt kind of strange and left to the stairway. She came out and said "Oh shut up! I will still have sex with you- you FREAK. Let me have some fun with Mari for chrissakes!". I asked her if she should just go in and she goes "No! I am just sitting with you in the yard and giggling. Fuck him!". At that point I realized I needed to get to know her and stop calling her ABW.
I drank two more White Russians and then someone passed around some long island iced tea in glasses. I drank one. After that, it was all funny and blurry. The lady upstairs kept talking about her husband and how she is leaving him. She said she is selling her "cranberry crystal and china from 1943" and I kept smiling and thinking "I have no idea what the fuck your talking about..." She said something about how her china and crystal were her "ticket out of her marriage". Then she told me all kind of secrets about their arguments. She asked me if I hear them argue and I lied and said no.
My mouth, fingers and nose were numb from the cold, but yet, I couldn't quite feel it.
She told me about her sad life, how her fiance who treated her like a queen died 5 years ago before they got married. How she was beaten by her ex-husband. How she had her first baby at 16. How her father died of alchoholism and how she supported the guy upstairs when she had cancer by working while getting treatment... I sat there and wanted to cry. I kept hugging her. I was so drunk.
It was 2 a.m. and everyone was leaving. Lynard Skynard was on in the garage and my brother in law got beligerent and I sent his ass across the lawn to go home (they live across the field next door no driving). Something about "Why does Keith like the Lynard? I thought he was down and liked only rap!". Stupid ass. We are diverse. Even drunken diverse.
The lady upstairs went upstairs, sad and cold. I sat in the lawn chair looking at the sky. I had eaten something and was feeling more sober. I drank some water and felt more sober, and sleepy. I felt so sleepy. I wanted to sleep with the stars in the backyard, but I couldn't, so I went inside.
I put on my jammies, went to sleep and woke up to having to clean out Keifer's turds from his potty. He is now officially trained. THANK GOD. But when you haven't had a drunken night in almost 3 years, and you get up at 7 a.m., the last thing you wanna do is clean out turds from a potty chair.
My husband only had a few beers last night. He laughed as he saw me disheveled and hung over this morning. He told me to go back to sleep and he would get up with the kids. I did. Until 1 p.m.
I had a nice night. Full of drunkeness that I usually never have. I deserved it. But I tell ya one thing, I don't know how I used to drink and party so hard in my early 20's. I can hardly stay up today. I keep drinking water and taking vitamins and trying to keep up with the kids. How did I do a night out in clubs being drunk until 5 a.m and then go to Mcdonald's and then to work for 8 hours back then? HOW THE FUCK DID I DO THAT? Then go home, take a shower, get ready and go back out to end up getting picked up by some club dude and going hotelling with him? HOW DID I DO THAT SHIT?
There were other funny madness stories last night, like my brother in law Bobert putting on a hat made out of aluminum foil and running around a tree only to fall on his face and burn his finger with his cigarette. And my other BIL Guissepe trying to figure out the life cycle of an ant. And some drunken lady that came over to see the lady upstairs to see if she was ok because her and Potty had a huge fight, and the lady ended up being hit on by my husband's uncle.
We sound like assholes. But we never do things like this, honest. We just become crazy drunkards every other year or so. To let it all out. Honest.
We put weiners and burgers on the grill, I made mac salad. We got beers for the adults and pop and juices for the kids.
We had my brother in laws come over and one of Keith's childhood friends. His uncles came over later on and the people upstairs hung out with their kids and us.
I fed the kids, and let them play until 9 p.m. outside. I fed Ryan and by his normal bedtime of 7 p.m. he was grunting to go "night night". As I had him in the stroller, already in his jammies, I decided as the other two ate their burgers and weiners, that Ryan and I would escape for a nice night night time walk.
I took him down some really nice shaded streets. Every time the sidewalk would end, and the little "bum bump" sound of the next sidewalk crease would go against his stroller wheels, I would hear him giggle. He thought it was so funny. He giggled until he went sleepy. I watched his big eyes get sleepier and sleepier as he looked at the orange and pink sky. Soon he was snoring.
As I put him back into the house and set the baby monitor. I got the older two ready for bed. I got them to bed and was going to sit down and watch Cops.
Cops. When there was beer and fun outside.
I went outside.
My sister in law came over and I kept downing beers. Soon it was so chilly outside I could see my breath from time to time. So I kept drinking beers. I lost count.
My brother in law was giving out shots of Jack Daniels. I had one. Nice and warm. Ahh. Nice buzz.
At one point my sister in law and my husband were chasing a cat around the field, screaming "DAISY! DAISY NO!" All I saw was the neon pink of the blanket wrapped around my sister in law's shoulders and I started screaming with laughter. She looked like a vampire and my husband looked like he was running from her. Drunken madness in my brain. I couldn't breathe from laughing.
It wasn't even my cat. It was a stray. They realized this after someone yelled "DUDE! It has STRIPES! Chill out!" Daisy is all black. "oh." said Keith.
Then the lady upstairs (formerly known as ABW= Alchoholic Bitch Whore) came out again after her and husband Potty McPothead, were arguing. She made me a White Russian. I drank it like a mad woman. "MAKE ME ANOTHER!" I said as she giggled and I started dancing to something of the likes of Tupac and Eminem. I don't even know wtf was on the radio. Someone would change the station every song. There was country, then rock, then rap, then blues.
When I went with her to her house upstairs her husband was pissed off because she wasn't upstairs with him and she was sitting with me. I felt kind of strange and left to the stairway. She came out and said "Oh shut up! I will still have sex with you- you FREAK. Let me have some fun with Mari for chrissakes!". I asked her if she should just go in and she goes "No! I am just sitting with you in the yard and giggling. Fuck him!". At that point I realized I needed to get to know her and stop calling her ABW.
I drank two more White Russians and then someone passed around some long island iced tea in glasses. I drank one. After that, it was all funny and blurry. The lady upstairs kept talking about her husband and how she is leaving him. She said she is selling her "cranberry crystal and china from 1943" and I kept smiling and thinking "I have no idea what the fuck your talking about..." She said something about how her china and crystal were her "ticket out of her marriage". Then she told me all kind of secrets about their arguments. She asked me if I hear them argue and I lied and said no.
My mouth, fingers and nose were numb from the cold, but yet, I couldn't quite feel it.
She told me about her sad life, how her fiance who treated her like a queen died 5 years ago before they got married. How she was beaten by her ex-husband. How she had her first baby at 16. How her father died of alchoholism and how she supported the guy upstairs when she had cancer by working while getting treatment... I sat there and wanted to cry. I kept hugging her. I was so drunk.
It was 2 a.m. and everyone was leaving. Lynard Skynard was on in the garage and my brother in law got beligerent and I sent his ass across the lawn to go home (they live across the field next door no driving). Something about "Why does Keith like the Lynard? I thought he was down and liked only rap!". Stupid ass. We are diverse. Even drunken diverse.
The lady upstairs went upstairs, sad and cold. I sat in the lawn chair looking at the sky. I had eaten something and was feeling more sober. I drank some water and felt more sober, and sleepy. I felt so sleepy. I wanted to sleep with the stars in the backyard, but I couldn't, so I went inside.
I put on my jammies, went to sleep and woke up to having to clean out Keifer's turds from his potty. He is now officially trained. THANK GOD. But when you haven't had a drunken night in almost 3 years, and you get up at 7 a.m., the last thing you wanna do is clean out turds from a potty chair.
My husband only had a few beers last night. He laughed as he saw me disheveled and hung over this morning. He told me to go back to sleep and he would get up with the kids. I did. Until 1 p.m.
I had a nice night. Full of drunkeness that I usually never have. I deserved it. But I tell ya one thing, I don't know how I used to drink and party so hard in my early 20's. I can hardly stay up today. I keep drinking water and taking vitamins and trying to keep up with the kids. How did I do a night out in clubs being drunk until 5 a.m and then go to Mcdonald's and then to work for 8 hours back then? HOW THE FUCK DID I DO THAT? Then go home, take a shower, get ready and go back out to end up getting picked up by some club dude and going hotelling with him? HOW DID I DO THAT SHIT?
There were other funny madness stories last night, like my brother in law Bobert putting on a hat made out of aluminum foil and running around a tree only to fall on his face and burn his finger with his cigarette. And my other BIL Guissepe trying to figure out the life cycle of an ant. And some drunken lady that came over to see the lady upstairs to see if she was ok because her and Potty had a huge fight, and the lady ended up being hit on by my husband's uncle.
We sound like assholes. But we never do things like this, honest. We just become crazy drunkards every other year or so. To let it all out. Honest.
posted by Mari at
1:59 PM
4 Comments:
white russian's get me into that big lebowski mood.
Sounds like you had a fun night and you are right you deserve it.
Funny, its the first weekend you get wasted, and first I stay sober all weekend. Whats the world coming to?!
I felt like I was hanging out with your group in the corner having my rum and cokes and watching it all. Eventful evening... sorry 'bout your hangover. ;-)
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