Saturday, August 21, 2004

Egg Foo Fuck

Egg foo fuck

The kids stayed over their grandmother's last night.

It was a much needed break for the two of us, I tell you that.

When K got home from work and saw the kids gone, he lunged at my breasts. He whipped them out of my shirt and started slobbering on them. Going "ohhhh ohhhh! I never get to do this!" He was pawing at me like a freak of nature. I was screaming "chill out dude! chill the fuck out! be careful! Those melons are swollen!"

He wanted sex. Sex sex sex. Silly me, thinking that because I am fat and pregnant that I am just not in his interest anymore, when all it was, was that there are kids present in the house everyday. It kinda made me feel good. He was looking at me like he had fire in his eyes, and was groping me like a teenage horndog.
I didn't want sex though, but I did the womanly deed to get him off my breasts and to get some egg foo yung. I am such a whore. A whore for chinese food. Me love you long time.
So we went and got some chinese food and I ate egg foo yung with a tall glass of Mountain Dew and I fell asleep for 4 hours for the hell of it. I felt like I was basking in the sun on a carribean trip.

Then the egg fo yung turned ugly. I woke up from my nap wanting to eat the last one left. Well, actually, I knew there was only one left, but that we would split it in half. When I went to scoop up my half, it was gone. Gravy sat in the box looking up at me like a pool of poop.

"NO! there was only half there!"
"I didn't! Remember before you napped you ate some of that?"
"nooooooooooooooo! I ate a dollop of gravy with the rest of what I had before! YOU BASTARD!"
"Yea, I bet it was a dollop..."
"What about all them times? All the times you eat my other half of subs and that? And anyways, it was only half!"
"WHAT FUCKING SUBS?! WE HAVENT HAD SUBS!!!! Well you better go back to May fucking Wah and tell her she fucked us half of a fucking patty! GODAMN YOU!"

This went on for about 30 minutes. He wouldn't fess up. I stared at him and wished he would die. How could he do this to me? I gave him sex. I give him sex and he eats my half of egg foo yung.

Then about an hour later, he runs to the bathroom. Seems the foo yung did a deed on his foo poop. He had diarrhea from hell. He had to go to CVS and get some alka seltzer before moaning himself to sleep and rubbing his belly in circular motions.

"That's what you fucking get. You godamn chinese thief."
"You're so wrong, how could you wish this on me?"
"Because... you stoled my patty. You steal my patty, you get the runs..."
"Ohh... my stomach...."


Blogger Maddie said...

God, I remember them days. When that girl from dunkin donuts burned my cream cheese sesame seed bagel and I only noticed AFTER I got home. I wanted TO KILL. I seriously would have stabbed someone in the eye for another one. And guess what? it was THE LAST ONE. I was brought home a POPPY seed one. TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE motherfucker! Oh, just thinking about that day makes me pissed!

-The otha M

11:46 PM  

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