Thursday, November 04, 2004

More whining

More whining

Hey all.

Yes, it is I, the sickly bitch, back again.

I went to the doc on Tuesday after voting. I was that dedicated to getting the pubic Bush hair out of office, so me and K went and then he took me to the ER.

They did Xrays and realized I had pneumonia. They wanted to keep me and I said Hell No. So they made me stay there until my breathing improved. They gave me some breathing treatments from some big hairy guy who smelled like cigar smoke. How ironic is that?

Anyway, he gave me some breathing treatments and once my airways cleared up, I was on my way home with a fever, prescriptions for an inhaler and two different meds, one being Zithromax.

I got home, took them and went into some sort of pneumonic shock, I was all cold and had chicken skin, then I would get hot, then I would get cold and so on. I would get lightheaded and wheeze and have lung spasms. Good times.

After the meds kicked in, I sat up with the baby for a little while, I feel bad, cause I haven't really spent real time with him. Being sick I have kinda been staying away from him. I watched the Election until about 1 a.m. and then passed out.

K's mom is taking Mya to school for me. Besides that, I am pretty much on my own with the boys. It sucks because if Keifer doesn't nap, I can't. Ryan naps all day, so it's nothing to take care of him. Keifer is the real trouble. He doesn't understand how sick I am, and can be a bit demanding.

I pretty much spend my nights hacking up the fluid that is in my lungs, and crying, because I am fucking sick of being sick. Once in a while it will subside and I can get a bit of sleep, but besides that, my back and chest hurt from coughing so much. I mean, they really hurt. And my incision is real sore, from my hacking up so much it tugs at my Csection area.

Today I freaked myself out. I was reading about how blood clots can be mistaken for pneumonia and how they can kill you if lodged deep enough in your lungs. A million things ran through my mind and I stared and Keifer and Ryan and a picture of Mya and began sobbing. I was crying, because I just knew I was going to die and was going to leave them motherless.
A million thanks to WebMD and the other fucking google sites that came up with scary assed reasons as to why I should be on my deathbed.

I know it sounds silly, but being through the shit that i have been through this passed month, dying is not something that seems so far fetched. And being in the state I am in right now, I am easy game for wild and crazy thoughts.

I just want to be me again. I thought I would be me by now, and being so sick and knocked so hard on my ass, it makes me wonder what the fuck I did to deserve such shitty assed luck.


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