Wednesday, June 01, 2005

And he is better

Ryan is better. Not 100%, but almost.

Double ear infection. Pain. Screaming. No sleep. Scared daddy. Scared mommy. Temperatures of over 103. Scary.

The spots are from his high fevers. His high fevers were from his infection. His infection if from being born to me, who had ear infections forever in my childhood.

He smiled today, and he ate popsicles, and he crawled. And I knew he would be alright. I knew it was a better day.

People have often asked me "How do you do it? How do you take care of three children?". Some people have children of their own, and some do not and look at me like I am all lunatic.

I do it, because I love it. I love my life. I had a hard life. A life full of many times where I was lost and in the dark. At one point in my life, I was pretty much homeless. Living from family member, to friends homes. When I was in the dark, I prayed to God that I would find someone to love me. To take care of me. To be there for me no matter what. I lit candles and said prayers, and he came to me.

When I met him, all I knew is I wanted babies with him. I wanted to love him. To make love to him and have babies with him and watch babies grow together. At that time, all we saw were cute chubby babies with smiles as wide as the ocean. Not ear infection trips to the ER, not screaming babies at 2 a.m. with no sleep. Not six year olds with attitudes. Not three year olds with sleeping problems and transitional fragility.

But what I did see, was growing old with this man. Growing old with him and having babies with him, and with that... came babies, and things that I just do. I just love them, and do the best I can for them. And we manage. We struggle and we manage and we survive, because of these children.

My kids are the reason I live. They push me to be the best person I need to be.

I see in my children a life. A life for them and my husband and myself. A life of memories and pictures and smiles, memories of sadness that builds strength. Memories of me, at 70 something years old, with my three children and my husband sitting around, and feeling that blanket of love and strength and completely being enveloped by their presence.

Some days I ask myself, the same question. "How did I get here? What was I thinking?" and then, my baby smiles. Or my daughter hugs me. Or my son draws for me an imperfect little stick man on construction paper with a heart and he says he loves me. And then, I realize that within those moments, is my answer.


Blogger Karla said...

I am glad to hear that Ryan is feeling better. That was beautiful Mari.

9:57 AM  
Blogger MaineGirl said...

Lately all I want is babies.

This post makes me want 'em more.

10:00 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

And then reality sets in: "Mom, can I get some gas money?"

(Good story, Mari. VERY good.)

2:53 PM  
Blogger katiedid said...

It must be such a relief that he's better.

That's a lovely post you've written. To me, one of the most beautiful things about having kids is being able to experience what kind of people they grow into becoming. I find that immensely rewarding, in a way that's so much bigger than just what the small moments of daily life add up to.

9:12 PM  
Blogger jamwall said...

i feel a cool 'n the gang song coming on....."celebration...its time to celebrate and have a good time... *yeah!...uh-huh..."

and so on and so forth...

10:16 PM  

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