Friday, March 18, 2005

Coming soon, to a season near you.

When I got up this morning, I could barely walk or open my eyes.

Even thought I had gone to bed when the kids did last night, I felt like I was pulling an all nighter at a disco.

My oldest, Keifer, woke up- quite a few times. His fever would come back after the meds had worn off and then he would want me to lay with him. Then, once he would go to sleep, I would go to bed only to be summoned by the baby coughing or crying.

This morning, at around 6, I got the baby situated in his crib. He shares a room with Keifer and so Keifer saw me, and wanted to go to my bed with me. So I let him. He started kicking me in his sleep, so I went to his bed.

Then, my daughter woke up. She wanted to lay in my bed with my son, until she saw me in his bed, so she came in there with me. Keifer has a twin bed. Mya and I were obviously too small to cramp into his small bed.

After she fell asleep, I found myself playing musical beds. Going to her bed, and then to mine and back to Keifer's. As everyone would find me, I would wait for them to fall asleep again and then I would drift off into another room. If I could fit my large ass into the crib, I am sure I would have gone in there, too.

I woke up on the floor.

I sat in the kitchen talking to Sis, she had called to make sure I didn't think she was bringing over her boys (whom I watch for her a couple times a week). I told her thanks for calling and listened to her as she ordered breakfast on a fast food speaker. Man, that sounded delicious. I wanted to beg her to take me to work with her. To let me stow away in her trunk. I could teach art like her. I could eat fast food breakfast with a coke and feel free.

When I hung up with her, I decided to dress myself. I felt hung over. Again, like I had spent the night dancing or something. I only wish.

I asked God, to please send me something to make my day brighter. "What hath I doth done to deserve such tortureth?" I said out loud.

The kids were hungry when they woke up, and that made me feel better. Neither had eaten more than a few spoonfuls of soup the passed few days. They ate breakfast and soon the baby fell asleep on the floor with a blanket under him.

He is a lot like me.

I escaped somehow. The kids were preoccupied with Nick Jr.

I saw the sun shining outside.

I went outside on my steps.

I smoked a cigarette on my steps, barefoot. Hair going all over. Sunshining on my face.

Yes, I smoke again. I haven't shared that with you all... because I didn't want to hear it. Please, don't let me hear it. I have already called myself a million names for doing this dirty habit again. I like it. Leave me alone.

I love the taste of my menthol Capri's in morning sunshine. So sue me.

I smelled wet grass. Warm air. The snow was melting in the field, and when I closed my eyes as I inhaled, I saw neon orange. The kind of neon orange you see when you close your eyes and you're at the beach sunbathing.

I saw buds on trees. I heard birds singing.

It was only ten minutes, but those ten minutes were what I had asked God for when I woke up this morning.

Spring. It's coming. Sooner than I thought.

And when I came back in, the baby rolled over on his own on his blanket. All by himself.

Yup, Spring is almost here.


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