"lots of blood please"

My husband and I went out to eat tonight.

Alone.

Let me say that again.

Alone.

I didn't have to cut up any meat or pretend I had octopus tentacles and feed everyone at the same time.

My food was hot.

I was able to eat appetizer, salad, bread and steak and take my time.

I drank 5 cokes. I didn't even feel like having alchohol. I just wanted lots of sugar. Lots and lots of coke please. Lots of ice please. And my steak? Medium rare.

Waitress: Medium rare is warm and bloody. Now are you sure?
Me: Yes, please. Lots of blood please. I like my meat bleeding. Warm blood.
Waitress: ohhh kayy!!! (giggling)

She laughed because she thought I was funny. She wasn't laughing at me. Later we joked about how the fat on meat is the best part.

Keith: "Please leave the fat off" (while asking for her to leave his shredded pieces of fat out of his box he was taking home.)
Waitress: "Oh, see I love fat, I am Southern and love love fat on my meat"
Me: "You're Southern? See, I love fat too, fried fat please. I am Puerto Rican and I love me some fried up seasoned fat!"
Waitress: "YESSS!!! Mama made the best fried fat back ever!"

We just nodded at each other. Mmmmm. Lots of blood. Lots of fat. That's it baby, nice and slow. Nice fat and bloody.

I am such a pig.

When we left, it was drizzling. I took in the night air and I felt so good. Fat and good.

We got home and my mother had put all three kids to bed. No one screaming. No one running. Everyone asleep and beautiful.

Later, I plan on getting me some more beef. If you get my drift.

I am such a pig.