Sunday, May 01, 2005

What we were, are, and will be

I just wrote this to my new friend Maddie:
" ...Friends come and go, through life, for reasons we can't explain. They drift in for that specific amount of time, to take us wherever we are headed, and then they disappear into the years.
It hurts, it always will. But we all have memories.
*hugs*
Your new friend, Mari..."

It made me think of the friends that I don't have anymore. And the ones I do have now. How I cling to them in my mind because in life I have learned, nothing lasts forever. Not even school yard friendships.

I miss my old friends. Aida, the girl I grew up with as my nextdoor neighbor. The one I called my cousin. The one that I called when I lost my virginity and was crying because it was horrible. The one I would sit with until all hours of the night, talking about hopes and dreams, and how when we got married we would be each other's maids of honors. How when we had children, we would be there for their births.

We never were each other's maids of honors. Or there for births. Because we drifted apart. Because words hurt. Egos hurt. Lives hurt.

My friend Stacey, that I just ended a 23 year friendship with a couple of months ago. We were there for each other through marriages, divorce, break ups, miscarriages, happiness, sadness, babies, unhappiness, drugs, alchoholism.

We are not friends, because she chose to be someone I don't want to associate with any longer. She chose to do with her life things I never would do. She chose. I chose. We drifted. Apart. Forever.

My new adult friends, the few that I have. Are golden. Good for me. Positive. Loving me for who I am. Not making me second guess myself. Good, beautiful people. That I love for a special thing they have inside of themselves that makes them beam, and makes me want to bask in their glow.

Friends come and go, through life, for reasons we can't explain.

6 Comments:

Blogger Janette said...

Mari,
I have had many friends that come and go. It does suck... many I wish I was still in contac with today. I am not. I guess if they are meant to be in my life... they will come back some how... and if not... I do have the memories in mi cabeza!

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mari,
Your right, friends do come and go, sometimes for reasons we can't even explain. :( When I was younger I thought real, true friendships should last forever...now I realize that whatever length they last, as long as they were special at the time, they are still valuable. Thank goodness for memories.

tannia

7:06 PM  
Blogger Maddie said...

Mari,
I'm a bit choked up right about now, but I just wanted you to know that I read your post.

YOU are golden.
Thank You.

-Maddie

7:27 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

Mari that was beautifully written. It's funny how when we are younger we always tell our friends that we are going to be friends forever put then the years pass and that friend is no longer there.

I agree with you i rather have golden friends then some who are no good for me.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Same here. I'd rather have my sucias and blogger friends than some of the friends I have in real life too.

6:52 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

You know Mari, your "ask me something" idea has spread out global in blogger world. Damn, I hit next blog and there it is. Youre a flippin genius.

6:57 PM  

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