Friday, July 22, 2005

etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!

I have the kids birthday party tomorrow. Mya's going to be 7 on Sunday and Keifer will be 4 on monday. Keith turned 28 on this passed Monday.

Today I have to run and get my brother so he can stay over for the party tomorrow. Take the kids shopping for their gifts. Get party stuff. Make cupcakes and salad for the party. Set up tables tonight. Go to the dollar store. Go to Walmart. Wash clothes. Clean this house. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Then my grandparents from Cali are coming in tonight and I have NO IDEA if they are coming to the party or not. If not then most likely they will wanna pay a visit during the week, which I can handle. But if they wanna come to the party, then thats another whole thing. Because you see... the party... is gonna have a ton of people there. My MIL invited a shitload of peeps from her side of the family, including her mother. I invited a shitload of kids from all over the neighborhood and all my friends and their kids. I havent even counted the whole list of people. And all I have to feed all these people will be hot dogs and brats and fucking salad. And cupcakes. If you ever wanna know how to throw a birthday party when you're shit broke, contact me. I can give you some pointers.

I am stressing people. I hate stress. I do not do well under stress. I buckle under stress. In an event of something catastrophic happening... I would be one of those people to scream and rip their clothes off and freak the fuck out. I sure as hell wouldnt be that person who takes hold and controls the situation so well, that later they are given a medal of coolness.

My mind is reeling. My nerves are berserk. I want to climb into a huge cocoon made of comforters and quilts and comfy pillows. I want to metamorphasize into another creature so that I can fly away from this insanity that is my life.

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Our AC has decided to take a minor shit. Not a major shit as in "oh my god the ac has taken a shit and we have nothing." but rather "oh my god the ac is acting like a twat and we have to shut it off for the afternoon and for now we have nothing."


A 31 year old woman with her period and three hot and aggitated children, who is hot and aggitated herself... is very very ugly.

My husband's birthday is Monday and he claims that he needs to be "enjoying my weekend before my birthday." Silly man. Birthdays are for kids.

And speaking of birthdays for kids... Mya and Keith Jr. have TWO birthdays next week. Yes. I have been plagued with a husband's and two children's birthdays within 7 days of each other.

Mya will be seven next Sunday, and Keithy will be four next Monday. A week from Big Keith's birthday. Ryan and I are the only ones who don't share a birthday in July. We don't suck, we just know when to be born, ain't that right Bubba?

July is a huge month for us. We are throwing the kids a party next weekend. I hope a lot of kids come, being I am just making calls and sending out emails instead of sending out the invites I made with Kim Possible and Spiderman. They came out cool, but I was out of ink. And stamps. And I just emailed them out, as fucking hick as that sounds. Mommy doesn't have it quite together in the organization department. So sue me.

My grandparents are also coming in from California. Not my nutso grandparents, but my cool ones.

In other news... Mya had to go to the ER yesterday because she has been vomiting and feverish all week. She has a double ear infection. Good times.

Keithy is beside himself because his girlfriend moved away. Yes my almost four year old has a "womans". Or as he says it "a womence". His heart will be eased to know she will come to visit him on his birthday. He "wubs" her. He says. He has already kissed her more than once on the swingset. We call him Don Keithy De Marco.

Ryan is furniture walking. More good times. My god when he begins walking I am in for it. Why am I so fat when I chase him constantly?

I need to go OD on Pamprin and sit in front of my fan while the hubs fixes the AC. Maybe I will pass out and dream about having my uterus torn out of my insides so I will never have to have another period again.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

People are people

I lied. I am back. I can't live without sharing my strange observations about people, while selling my used goods.

So far I made a hundred bucks. Decent for a bunch of baby stuff I actually BOUGHT at a yard sale just last year myself. Well, not completely true, the larger things such as swings and a basinett were bought from my neighbor's yard sale last year. All clothing was bought by ME. Lots of clothings. Lots and lots of clothing. Lemme tell ya though, I have realized, people are strange. And cheap. And just, well, just strange.

Take yesterday for instance, I had people who were so cheap they didn't wanna pay two bucks for a pair of BRAND NEW SHOES. I was like "excuse me? I NEVER WORE THESE! TWO DOLLAH! OR NO BUY!". The lady bought them and huffed and puffed. Then I had a woman discount her own merchandise because she "had to go to the store to buy batteries". I was like "You know what, take 4 bucks off, whatever, only because it's a baby swing, but when I bought it... I HAD TO BUY MY OWN BATTERIES LADY!". GODAMN MAN! Then she made me demonstrate that the swing actually worked with my nine month old son in the swing. Have you seen my son? He is HUGE. He is like 25 pounds, and he looked like a pork sausage in a tight casing when I used him to demonstrate that :

A. the swing worked WITH HER BOUGHT BATTERIES.


B. that a baby was actually safe to be in the damned thing.

After Ryan bitched her out in baby language, she bought it for 14 bucks... with ten bucks of baby sleepers I gave her for 7. So all in all she paid 7 for the swing and 7 for the clothes. THE SWING WAS ORIGINALLY 13 bucks. I was desperate to get her the FUCK out of my yard, so I sold it to her for that. Then she goes "How do I fold this up? My gramma is in my backseat and my boyfriend messed up the trunk last week at a party...". I was like "Oh wow, I dunno. Ask grammy to scooch over cause I never folded that up before." I lied. I laughed to myself. And then her grammy was all scrunched up in the backseat with a sourpuss face. Oh well.

Today I had a woman tell me she wanted to buy the baby bassinet. I told her I would sell it for 10 bucks. She said her daughter would come back to pay for it and then buy some baby clothes from me because she was due in three weeks and had yet to buy a crib. I told her I would put it aside if she could give me a definite time when her daughter would come and pick it up. She said "Oh! Give her an hour, two at tops!". I put it aside. And... Three and half hours later no one came. I put it out in front again, because ya know... people are people and they sometimes lie. After about 5 hours I had someone come and ask me about it. "How much?" I told her fifteen but I would sell it for ten because I needed to get rid of it and didnt want to lug it back in the house." She agreed but asked me if she paid me if I could store it in my garage for the night until her neice could come with her truck to pick it up. I agreed... and then... as I agreed... THE LADY FROM SIX HOURS EARLIER CAME IN A VAN WITH HER DAUGHTER. A short argument ensued while the daughter exclaimed " MY MAMA CAME HERE EARLIER TO TELL HER I WANTED THAT!" the other lady was like "TOO LATE ITS MINE!" then the mama came out of the van and was like "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!? I told you I would be back!" I was like "Look, you said two hours tops. I held it for three and a half. No show... no buy. So I put it back out and this lady wants it! YOU NEVER CAME BACK!" the lady who had paid me for it said to me in whisper "I can't do this... that poor girl is pregnant and looks about to cry... gimme back my ten and sell it for the fifteen it's worth. You can use another five for her giving you hell." So I agreed... I sold it for fifteen... and they agreed and then I go "look, sorry about that, but you never came back when you said you would, and lots of people do that. I make no profit if I keep things on the side for too long. I tell ya what... since you got so upset... I will throw in this baby seat for just two extra dollars." CAN YOU CALL ME SALESWOMAN? I made 17 bucks on items I spent 11 bucks on last summer. LMFAO! Should I call myself Larry Dallas. No... Larry Dallas is slimey. I am just a good saleswoman. I also threw in a Blue Jean Teddy bear baby room border for free. So don't call me Dallas, yet.

Then I had another lady tell me that the baby clothes was over priced. I HAD THEM FOR A DOLLAR EACH! ALL CHILDRENS AND ADULT CLOTHING WERE PRICED AT FIFTY CENTS TO A DOLLAR EACH! I was like "hey... where else can you get six baby sleepers that were either never worn or worn once for a dollar each? I can sell those on Ebay and make a bigger mint." she rolled her eyes and walked away. WHATEVER!

Don't get me wrong. I had nice people too. People who were sweet, and made nice comments about how clean and beautiful all the baby items were. A woman commented on what awesome shape the clothing was. And I had a pregnant lady say that she was so happy she found my sale and was excited to go put her new things in her babies room. It made me feel good. And almost always, if someone spends five dollars or more, I throw in a couple onesies or another sleeper in for free. I even threw in a carseat cozy for one customer because she spent over twenty dollars. So yea, I am not that Larryish, yet.

Anyhow, I have one day left. I hope I sell the rest, if not the stuff I have is going to my neighbor ladies daughter, because she is having a baby in September. I have an antique baby highchair up for sale, tons of baby clothes, some maternity things, and a couple of borders left. All the big stuff is gone gone gone, and I am so glad I have more room in my house. Sad that Ryan grew out of them so soon, but glad he is getting into bigger and better things.

So in the few days I have made my own little boutique di grass and yards... I have learned the following:

  • I can indeed burn myself with a cigarette twice in one day while counting change for someone.
  • People are strange and cheap sometimes.
  • I can really hurt my back bad, while helping my mother in law transfer a console television from the eighties, from the garage to the lawn.
  • You can get sunburned even when in the shadiest of areas.
  • When you try to summon people with your mental telepathy powers, to come and buy from you... it doesn't really work.

Want some clothes? They're free.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

MIA for a little bits

I HATE THIS FUCKING SPACE IN BETWEEN MY NEW POSTS! Can someone help me get rid of it? WTF? Maddie said it happened to her and Evelina, so I don't feel so bad, but SHIT! It won't fucking GO AWAY!

Anywho...I am gonna be missing in action for the next week or so.

I am gonna have a yard sale on friday saturday and sunday. Lots of baby stuff to sell. As sad as it is for me to sell it, Ryan is almost a year old (HOLY SHIT) and I have no use for it any longer. No more babies, no more baby stuff. So, off to the sale it goes.

My mother in law and I are setting a tent up tomorrow for it, and I have shitloads of crap to sort out. Huge totes of useless crap to throw into bags and sell as goody bags (AKA TOYS NO LONGER USED ... SHhhhhh!)... I hope I make a decent amount. I need it because my kids birthdays are coming in a couple weeks and some little bits of money would help out.

I have a sinus headache the size of Texas, and I took some Aleve Cold and sinus... I took two... and I feel like a drugged up moron. My legs are wobbly and I am so tired. So I am off to bed. Tomorrow I clean and sort and wash clothes and basinettes and baby swings to sell.

Also, I need to get a Brownie picnic set up, look for a preschool for my son, and juggle my normal duties. So if I am not around, do not be alarmed and think I jumped in front of a greyhound. Besides, that would hurt, and greyhounds bite. BWAHHH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I told you I was loopy. Good night.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Image hosted by Photobucket.comHappy Fourth, everyone. Have a safe one. I hope you enjoy lots of BBQed food, and them pretty sky flowers!


Sunday, July 03, 2005

hanging over

I am fucking hung over.

I got sloppety drunk last night and all I remember is me dancing to Shakira and me wrapping to Tupac. Making fun of people's nipples and eating steaming hot food whilst burning my mouth.

Then I raped my husband. And then I passed out.

I am hung over. Real bad.

Can someone volunteer to take my children for a couple days. I do not want to deal.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Loverly Night Ahead

My mother in law is taking the two older children tonight. For the whole night. Can I tell you how excited that makes me? No one but me and Keith and Ryan to hang out.

Ryan and I need one on one mommy time. That poor baby gets back burnered a lot of times because of his older siblings. It's so not fair. I plan on munchkin time for quite awhile. Me and him and Daddy playing on the floor. Me teaching him how to do "Pon Pon Pon, por la manito pon, porque el nene puso el dedo en el tapon..." it's a spanish nursery rhyme I tought all my children at his age. It means "tap tap tap, on the little hand tap, because the baby put his finger in the cookie jar" (yea i know it doesnt rhyme in english, and is kinda weird to be tapping a baby's hand when he touches cookie jars, but then again Rock a bye baby is hideous, so there.) It involves hand motions that are easy for them to learn and gets them ready to use their hands to express themselves. I remember even teaching my little brother to do it when he was an infant. Ryan loves it, and is learning more and more of it everyday. By the end of the night he will have it mastered.

When Ryan goes to sleep, its me and Keith time. To snuggle and then some. To just look at each other and laugh and be able to BREATHE. I swear to you people, if I had the money, he and I would go on a honeymoon we never had. And I am so glad my tubes are tied, because if we had the chance to go on a cruise or on a vacation, there will be much lovin' goin' on. If the tubes weren't tied died and burned to the side, I would end up concieving triplets.

Tomorrow is a birthday party for the kids cousin Marisa. And then it's beer and brats time. We are having some people over for beer and all that jazz. Just my husband's childhood friends and me sitting there basically laughing at their nostalgia and how much trouble they were as kids.

Then, this Monday of course is Independence Day. Fireworks and weiners and burgers, oh my.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, a safe and blessed one.